


The Future's So Bright, I Have To Wear Shades

by joyce



Category: Parasol Protectorate - Gail Carriger
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epistolary, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:44:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyce/pseuds/joyce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivy and Biffy are meeting the twentieth century together, with style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Future's So Bright, I Have To Wear Shades

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Taelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taelle/gifts).



> This is crackfic and AU, set here at the end of 2012.
> 
> The prompt for this was: _Parasol Protectorate. I want a story set in the future of this world. I want to see how Ivy deals with being a vampire queen, how Biffy is as an alpha, how they deal with the 20th century. That kind of thing._
> 
> This could be the beginning of a beautiful, huge AU here, but this will stand on its own as well. I hope you enjoy!

From: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
To: ivy@wimbledonhive.org  
Date: Dec 1, 2012 at 9:05 pm  
Subject: Thursday’s meeting

Ivy, cupcake,

We simply must meet before Thursday’s Shadow Council meeting. It’s time to set our social agendas for 2013. (It’s past time. We’re going to have trouble finding venues for the Beltane ball and the August bank hols. It’s going to be simply ghastly. And then there’s Valentine’s! We’ve left it too long to do something big there – do we want a small, intimate dinner party?) Why do we keep putting this off? I know you’re busy, but we must attend to our social duties. 

Come for tea and supper, and we’ll get everything situated. I’ll order in our favorite curry.

Kisses,

Biffy

P.S. For the love of muffins, don’t wear that awful purple hat that you wore to last month’s meeting. You know the paparazzi are going to be waiting, and it’s up to us to set an example when it comes to fashion. Green suits your complexion ever so much better, and three inch tall flowers are just not the thing anymore.

* * *

From: ivy@ wimbledonhive.org  
To: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
Date: Dec 1, 2012 at 11:23 pm  
Subject: re: Thursday’s meeting

Biffy,

Why do you insist that we meet over our calendars? You are being tiresome. This is why we hired Jane and Thomas as our secretaries, if you will recall. I will have them set up a meeting on Skype this coming week to set our year for us. 

A venue for Beltane won’t be a problem; after all, doesn’t one of your pups own that lovely dance club down at the docks? We can set up on the patio, too, and dance under the stars. August may be more of an issue; do you think that the Queen will be happy to have us at the Palace again? And I’m concerned about Halloween. I think that should be a ticketed event – otherwise, it just gets out of hand and soon the werewolves are dancing on the bar and – I just can’t even bear to talk about it, but I am still dealing with my younger drones over last year’s party and proper behavior in public.

Have you heard from the Maccons about New Year’s yet? How many of your pack are coming here? I need to let the staff know. I know it’s not far, but we’ll be better off if everyone just stays overnight. You do remember New Year’s 2008, don’t you?

And finally, how perfectly horrid of you to say such things about my hat! I love that hat; I don’t know what you are on about. However, while we’re on the subject of clothes – just what was that awful thing you were wearing in that picture you tweeted Monday? And why haven’t you updated your Twitter since? Isn’t this why you have an intern? As you keep reminding me, darling, we are in the public eye and must stay there.

Ivy

p.s. Why are you emailing me instead of texting? Email is so 2010.

* * *

From: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
To: ivy@ wimbledonhive.org  
Date: Dec 2, 2012 at 12:05 am  
Subject: re: Thursday’s meeting

Ivy, how you wrong me. That suit was specially designed for me by Neil. Isn’t it simply divine?

As to meeting over our calendars… perhaps I just want to see your lovely face, my dear. It has been awhile, what with you going over to America to celebrate Thanksgiving with your great-great-niece (who would have thought that one day we would float over the Atlantic? Or that you would be celebrating Thanksgiving with Americans? Or that a Queen could travel at all? Or that we would be able to communicate effortlessly via the ether? I do not miss aethographic transmitter. What was it that my dear Randolph said to me so long ago? Shifting times?) So come to tea and supper. The shop has some lovely things in from designers in Japan and China that I think would suit you quite well, so perhaps we could swing by it after supper? I’m not sure I will ever get used to you being able to go out and about like this – thank the heavens for modern medicine! And who would have guessed that you would become so dear to me over time, but dear you have become. I’m sorry for becoming so overwrought – this time of year just does me in.

The Maccons are not sure about New Year’s yet. Alessandra thinks they should check on their holdings in Canada, and Gwen wants to come here. They actually got into quite the tiff about while we were on Skype - how rude! They hope to be decided by Monday.

I think it would please Alexia and Madame Lefoux to be able to see their great-grandchildren together, don’t you? I do wish our human friends weren’t so fragile. And who knew Alessandra would turn out to be so real estate minded? I think she inherited her forethought from Conall, don’t you?

I have 15 in attendance with me for New Year’s, including 5 clavingers, if that is acceptable? 2 of them are women – whoever would have thought! I don’t think you’ve met them yet? But they only need one bed. We need 10 beds altogether, besides the Maccons. Well… and… is Akeldama welcome? I think he’s been a little lonely lately.

Our missives are too long for texting, precious. Which is why I haven’t been tweeting, either – 140 characters isn’t enough for anything! My intern has been too busy this week redesigning our website and setting up our blog to tweet for me, but I shall set him back on it straightaway.

We simply cannot have the Beltane ball in a common club. That would be the back end of beyond! Surely there is somewhere more suitable to a ball than that – this is London, after all.

And I don’t know if the Queen will have us again. You do remember that trouble with the pups last year, don’t you?

Smooches,  
Biffy

* * *

From: ivy@ wimbledonhive.org  
To: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
Date: Dec 2, 2012 at 12:45 am  
Subject: re: Thursday’s meeting

No, that suit was not divine! If it were, why on earth would I ask what you had been wearing? That color was all wrong for you. And that cut – you looked like you belonged on a beach in Miami, not dinner in London in November.

Do stop beating around the bush, Biffy. One of your pups ate your phone again, didn’t they? Did you buy insurance plan this time like I told you to?

We simply must have Beltane at a dance club. There is no other kind of place in London to fit all of the supernaturals and humans and preternaturals and everyone else who wants to come to our parties. They are not balls anymore, dear Biffy, and we can’t pretend otherwise. Jane has almost solidified the menu, and I will have her send it to Thomas to double-check before she sends it on to the caterer. Would you like a copy as well? If we are to coordinate our clothing, then we should set that up with Neil as soon as possible. We cannot plan too far ahead. We also must review this year’s theater season, if you have any requests? The troupe does appreciate the pack’s generous financial support over time.

I do know what you mean about our human friends and loves. I miss my Tunny more than I would have thought possible.

August is going to be a problem. I had forgotten about the trouble with the pups, sigh. I will have Jane begin to research alternate locations.  


Bring your clavingers; they’re usually the life of the party while still being reasonably well behaved. I think one of my young drones is eyeing your young Jameson, so we can point them at each other and see what happens.

(It’s amazing what becomes entertaining when you live forever, isn’t it? I used to think you said the most shocking things, but it’s been awhile since you managed to surprise me. And no, that’s not a challenge.)

Bring Akeldama. It will be good to see the old bat. I think he’s fully forgiven me for the defection of his favorite drone. And tell him he can bring the pug, too. (Who would have ever thought that Akeldama would turn from cats to dogs?)

I will come to supper on Thursday, and to the shop after (I will admit, a shopping trip with you sounds like heaven, and I can check on the progress of the latest hat that I commissioned Neil to make), but I can’t come to tea – I have meetings all evening. Our last couple of batches of artificial blood have been sub-par in both nutrition and taste, so I’m soliciting bids for new companies. One of them is Supernatural Food Inc. – don’t they provide supplemental food stuffs for the pack? How are they to work with?

Don’t bother with the curry, unless you want it. I don’t see how Akeldama keeps eating, after all these centuries. Tasting food I can’t really have is just tiresome, after a few decades, and I just can’t work up the enthusiasm lately. Do know that I am grateful for the offer.

Loves, 

Ivy

* * *

From: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
To: ivy@ wimbledonhive.org  
Date: Dec 2, 2012 at 2:30 am  
Subject: re: Thursday’s meeting

We do use SFI, and they are quite good – although we’re only using them for nutrition enhanced meat, of course, so I can’t speak to the quality of their artificial blood. We’ve never had a late delivery, though, and they keep supernatural hours, so we’ve been very happy with them. The prices are competitive, too. They do tastings in their showroom, so you’ll be able to try their wares on the spot.

Buying a new phone – and the insurance, bloody hell – is on the list of things to do this week. I suppose I could have Thomas do it.

Young Neil wants to set up a small show this spring, so put that on your list of events for Jane and Thomas to schedule. The latest dresses coming out of South America are simply divine.

I’m not pleased with the pack’s financial planner these days – who do you use?

Biff

* * *

From: ivy@ wimbledonhive.org  
To: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
Date: Dec 2, 2012 at 3:45 am  
Subject: re: Thursday’s meeting

Poor Biffy, will you ever get used to delegating? Send Thomas out to get your phone. He will pick you out something nice, set it up for you, and get the insurance settled. 

Speaking of Randolph, will he be back for New Year’s? I’m glad he’s having a holiday.

We use Lindsey at Long Term Planning. I’ll send Thomas her contact info. She is very, very good.

Ives

* * *

From: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
To: ivy@ wimbledonhive.org  
Date: Dec 2, 2012 at 7:02 am  
Subject: re: Thursday’s meeting

Randolph is having a lovely holiday. He will be back on Tuesday. It cannot be soon enough.

The sun approaceth. I must sleep. See you Thursday, dear friend.

* * *

From: ivy@ wimbledonhive.org  
To: biffy@thelondonpack.com  
Date: Dec 2, 2012 at 7:22 am  
Subject: re: Thursday’s meeting

I must sleep as well. Modern medicine may allow me to travel, but… oh, Biffy dear, I miss the sun.

See you Thursday.


End file.
